[X] My Assistant

[Wildivlax]

Name: Crystal Halo
Age: 13
Hometown: Born in Littleroot town, moved to Veilstone city, now lives in Furoh

Appearance: Crystal always wears a green bandanna. She has brown, short hair. She wears a green shirt with red and blue spots. She weighs about 120 lb. She is 5 foot 8. She wears blue, denim shorts. She looks like this:

Personality: Crystal is normally forgiving. She is laid back. She's like a Quagsire: hard to get out of a good mood. She's happy-go-lucky. During a battle, unless she's losing, she's calm and cool. But if angered, she's not someone to be mess with. She’s often easily forgiven. She is rather lovable, too. She's almost always giving, especially at Christmas time.

Biography: She was born with a Poke ball in hand. She got Qua for her 10th birthday. Before her 10th birthday, all she wanted for her birthday was a Pokémon. When she got Qua, she squealed with joy. She won her first battle at the age of 10. She only had 1 Pokémon, Qua. Her brother found it impossibul to beat her. He never actually beat her. She is also known as "Chick" because of her love of Torchicks and her first and last initials are CH, so people put 2 and 2 together and came up with Chick. They moved to Veilstone because her dad got a call from Maylene, the Veilstone Gym Leader, requsting him as the substitute Veilstone Gym Leader. She picked him because they had been friends for a really long time and she knew that Crystal's dad was good with fighting types. They didn't like it because somebody tried robbing them but her dad's Machamp caught them. After the first move, Crystal couldn't make any friends at all. They found out that they really didn’t like living in Veilstone, so they moved to Furoh. After the second, the shock of already moving again so quickly-because they hadn't live in Veilstone for a month when they moved-and her still not being able to make friends caused her to snap. Her snapping caused her to be like a Quagsire: hard to get out of a good mood. They thought of Furoh because they had once went on a vacation there and they had loved it there. Specifically, they chose Barley, Furoh. They moved there because they thought it ws just right for them.

Starting Pokémon:
Qua
Gender: male
Level: 10
Moves: scratch, focus energy, ember, sunny day

Lat
Gender: female
Level: 5
Moves: scratch, harden, leech life

Zigzag
Gender: male
Level: 5
Moves: growl, tail whip, tackle

Items:
Poke ball x11
Great ball x10
Ultra ball x10
Pokénav x1
Revive x5
Full Heal x9
"Birthball" (will not be used) x1

And The Biscuits Name is: Waldorf
Other Notes:

This post has been edited by Trace Warel: Dec 22 2009, 07:44 PM

Reason for edit: MH meant bold the changes- 2G

[Master Houndoom]

Your bio and personality are too short. I would like to see more detail, please. Bear in mind that the profile is as much a test of your strength as a roleplayer as it is a description of your character, so it would be best to be as descriptive as possible.

Oddly enough, your most powerful pokemon level-wise is also the one closest to the proper level of power. Hidden Power is discussed in the paragraph below. Sunny Day I can see, but it is still learned late, and is hard to RP. I will, personally, allow it. Here is a page that shows what moves a torchic can learn by level, and you can use the hyperlinks in the breeding move and TM lists to see comparable levels those are learned naturally by other pokemon.

Silverwind, Bug Buzz, and Hidden Power are not balanced for a level five first level bug type. I acknowledge that Silver Wind and Bug Buzz are egg moves, and that Hidden Power is a TM, but it is not realistic in game for them to know such powerful moves at this level. I will allow them once the pokemon is at a more comparable level for it, Which is somewhere between 36 and 60 for Bug Buzz and between 34 and 47 for Silver wind. With few exceptions, we do this with all egg moves for pokemon in PANE: they do not display them until they are powerful enough to use them. The TM moves will need to be taught to them at a similarly comparable level. Here is a page that shows what moves a nincada can learn by level, and you can use the hyperlinks in the breeding move and TM lists to see comparable levels those are learned naturally by other pokemon. Leech Life is viable at level 5.

Similarly, your zigzagoon will have to use a moveset comparable to his level. Ice Beam is another 37-50 level attack, Tickle is learned by 25 at the lowest (likely because it lowers two stats at once) and Surf is so grossly overpowered that no pokemon learns it by level up. A similar move, Muddy Water, is not learned until level 37-79, except in the case of Kyogre, who can learn it at 20. Since zigzagoon is not a legendary pokemon, (he is, in fact, the bidoof of Hoenn), he cannot learn it at 20. Hidden power has already been discussed. Here that shows what moves a zigzagoon can learn by level, and you can use the hyperlinks in the breeding move and TM lists to see comparable levels those are learned naturally by other pokemon.

On another note, we do not adhere to the four moves and only four moves school of movelists. As your pokemon level, they may know as many moves as are LEVEL APPROPRIATE and are in their moveset (with some exceptions, which you should discuss with a mod when the time comes). If you have any doubts as to whether a move will be allowed, ask a mod.

You have not found the biscuit's name, and you cannot be approved until you do.

[Wildivlax]

ok i edited it and so pretty much this means i cant have them know hidden power? im ok with it but i just want to be sure

[Toogee]

Your bio and personality are too short. I would like to see more detail, please. Bear in mind that the profile is as much a test of your strength as a roleplayer as it is a description of your character, so it would be best to be as descriptive as possible.

You have not found the biscuit's name, and you cannot be approved until you do.

You missed these. Surely there are more things you can talk about. Put this through Word; there are numerous spelling and grammar mistakes

I would also like to point out that this RP takes place in Furoh. Your character's current location is in Sinnoh. She should be going that way (something to put in the Bio perhaps????)

No, no hidden power.

[Wildivlax]

k. ill add more now.
ok i edited it and lets see if it's good enough now

This post has been edited by Trace Warel: Dec 19 2009, 01:55 PM

[Toogee]

I forgot this: You need to find the biscuit's name. You will need to read through the rules section to figure that out.

The personality and appearance could be longer, but they do meet the bare minimum requirements. Still, it couldn't hurt you to be a little bit detailed.

Your bio, however, I'm going to be tougher on. This section pretty much makes or breaks the character. You only mention two particular events in your character's life. That's it? Like I said in the grading process of your Uprising profile, this is your chance to tell me what the big deal is with Crystal Halo. Why should I read her adventures or RP with her? I will make a few suggestions of things to add, but I will not write the profile for you.

What happened before she was ten? What was life like in Littleroot? Why did her family move from there to Veilstone? What was life like in Veilstone? Why did her family move from there to Furoh? What was Crystal's reaction after moving (both times)? Does that affect her personality? What about family life: who are they, what were they like, did they support Crystal in her decision to go on a journey? Is she even going on a journey around Furoh? What does she hope to accomplish? Explain the "birthball": What did you mean when you wrote "she was born with a pokeball in her hand." What is the significance in that? You also need to get rid of the hidden power stuff; that can be saved for a future RP plotline.

Please don't make your bio a list of answers to my questions. Make it a story. If you need examples, go look at some of the accepted profiles.

[Wildivlax]

edited that and i got the biscuits name

[Master Houndoom]

I see no change to the bio. Perhaps if you bold it, it will be easier to see. In what I am reading now, it is not in a good chronological order (you mention her battle using Qua before telling how she received Qua), and you mention Qua using a move she doesn't and cannot yet know. And you do not have the Biscuit's name. You MUST read the rules to find out the actual name of the biscuit.

[Wildivlax]

something weird happened i did edit it ill try it again...
k edited it and i bolded the bio

This post has been edited by Trace Warel: Dec 21 2009, 12:54 PM

[Toogee]

This is better, though it's a bit out of order. I'd like to see it organized in a proper sequence of events.

I'm iffy about her father being Veilstone's gym leader. I'm not sure when this RP takes place according to the canonical storyline; they might still have their own leader (Her name escapes me). As a compromise, how about making him a substitute gym leader while the original went on vacation. It would also be nice to know why Veilstone turned to him to be the gym leader (prior job experience? A champion? Old family friend?)

For her power over fighting types, I'd like an explanation on how that works (pokemon sense an inner strength?). After some thinking, I can't allow the item-giving ability. That would essentially be giving the Pickup ability to every fighting type Crystal encounters. I don't think any fighting types can have such an ability.

[Wildivlax]

edited the biography and should i change around the boolds to the changes? and i removed the fighting type stuff never mind about changing the bolds i just did it

This post has been edited by Trace Warel: Dec 22 2009, 07:36 PM

[Toogee]

Two last things: Why did they move to Furoh and where in Furoh are they?

[Wildivlax]

ok edited, no added, those 2 things ill fix those bolds right now, too ok fixed the bolds

This post has been edited by Trace Warel: Dec 22 2009, 07:45 PM

[Toogee]

Approved. Go post in Current Level thread.