[X] My Assistant

[Master Houndoom]

My deepest apologies for this taking so long. We are short handed at work, and by the time I get home, I have other responsibilities.

This RP was complicated (not a bad thing) and not at all straight forward (also not a bad thing). It is a shame that it went on for so long that there was a general loss of interest. It would have been interesting to see where this would have gone had the individuals from different factions had met. This had the potential to be something of a spy thriller with pokemon, and turned out to drop down hill around the 40-60 post area.

This is understandable; it is the nature of our lives that what we expect to be short goes long, and we could lose interest. However, it also affects grades.

Also affecting grades is some of the methods for getting into the party: Two of the alternate factions (Aqua and Rebel, in this case, going to a Magma affair) were set up as staff (a violinist and a waiter) and therefore would not have needed invitations to get in. They would have needed other paperwork, but not invites. Also, you should consult on the minutae, such as the color of the invitations (one made them red, to match the faction, and the other pink, to match the girl, presumably) and the composition of the manor.

My individual analysis will not be present, as I did not have the time to make notes.

Knil1: 8/15

The RP skill was excellent, and you participated to the end, but there were no battles from your side what-so-ever, and that dragged your score way down. Also, there were some contradictions in your writing: At one point Jened calls attention to a group of kids, falsely accusing them of being part of another faction. In one sentence, he says he felt bad about doing it, but didn't care. Unfortunately, if he felt bad, he did care, at least enough to feel bad.

Faction: His mission was to act as a spy, and he accomplished it. I grant 100 rank points.

Kamaitachi: 10/15

I had a little trouble understanding what, if anything, Kanao was doing there. He drank some wine, rubbed elbows with a couple of spies without realizing what they were, and he caught a shroomish. It looked like he was there to pary, and he succeeded. The battle for the shroomish was short, so it did not get many points.

No rank points, as there was no mission.

Eromol: 10/15

As above, you didn't seem to have a mission other than to attend. The battle was interesting to watch, but it should have been split between you and posted. It is hard to parse out who participated in the battle and how well when it's all in one long post. I nearly dropped Kamaitachi's score by quite a bit because of it.

No mission, no rank.

citation needed: 12/15
The Mad Hatter: 12/15

Both of you worked together well, and the interplay between Ben and Beat were excellent, especially Ben's portrayal as a woman. It is unclear why he was asked, or why he chose, to play a woman, and that should be explained, especially as it doesn't seem to fit his character according to the profile. The battle was well played, but be sure there is adequate representation from both of you, as noted above for Eromol and Kamaitachi.

Rank of 50 each. The mission was not followed at the end.

Tekno: 6/15

There was very little participation, and not a single battle. Those both hurt the score over all. The mission you had is not clear, and there was some odd interaction on your pokegear that might have alerted others in the vicinity.

25 Rank points.

[Living Arrow]

Work in progress - I'm about halfway through. Be patient :p

I have to admit it - When I read the grading synopsis, I was interested. The story that you all decided to go with was fairly original and I like that your team failed their mission. Read below for further comments.

NEW RECRUITS MISSION: A SNAG IN THE PLAN

I loved this roleplay. A great story with some decent roleplaying makes for good reading and a very happy mod. I was impressed with the natural way that all three of you seemed to write together and I enjoyed the character interaction throughout. Although we didnt get all that much in the way of Pokemon interaction (Sparx, king and Queen stood out for me) I didn't feel we really missed it. This really did show off the three humans getting closer and forming a tightly knit trio.
While all of you were posting at a fast rate with fairly decent quality, I had to stop and grade you according to the rules. Unfortunately none of you did well on the battle front - see below for details.
Also, I didnt dock marks for the strangely abrupt end - we all have lives outside of the internet so that didnt make a difference despite the disappointing end.

Participation: 3/3
Skill: 6/7
Battling: 1/5 A short battle. The only action was human-a-human which gets 0 points.

Total: 10/15

EXP: 0

Participation: 3/3
Skill: 6/7 I'm glad you took on board previous comments about short posts and did some collaboration work.
Battling: 0/5 Aside for man-a-man action there was nothing of note here so unfortunately there are no points either.

Total: 9/15

EXP: 50. You needed potions. You *nearly* got potions.

Participation: 3/3

Skill: 7/7
I wanted so badly to give you a seven since your writing throughout was consistantly good. The only thing I can really fault you on is that sometimes you seem to stick in the present tense for no apparent reason. For future roleplays, please try to write everything in the past tense (which you did do 98% of the time).

Battling: 3/5
Oh, the attempts were there! The battle between mother and babysitter unfortunately doesn't count but you had several other moments of short battleage.

Total: 13/15

EXP: 0. No mission? No exp!

[PinkiePie]

Hey mods, got something for you.

=Double Cross=
Cast List:
+Rebellion+
Paul Charbon - ShinyTyphlosion
Daniel Reeves - IceColdGlaceon
Kishk Akrias - Kishk

~Aqua~
Vincent Lance - Vincent Lance

=Magma=
Janette Fey - nuttyjigs
Oscar Forrester Stark - Fei Fei (Who disappeared after a while)

Summary: Vincent has expressed his disinterest in continuing his job as an Aqua member. In an attempt to get himself fired, he goes to his boss and tries to convince him his fiancé, Lanette, is pregnant. They are instead sent to a secluded quarry not too far from the river to retrieve a mysterious object. Upon arrival, Vincent realizes the object is a crystal compass that leads to Kyogre, the legendary pokemon of the sea, and the quarry is a died up lake that once hosted a small shrine dedicated to the pokemon.

Magma and the Rebellion send members to investigate the Aqua activity in the quarry as well. Daniel finds Vincent within the caverns and agrees to an epic rematch. Laid-back Jan is forced to dual with fiery Kishk once again, and both catch new pokemon. Oscar and Lanette hit it off as well, though this part never got fleshed out due to Fei Fei's inactivity. Paul hosted his own side story parallel to ours, and left his with a cliffhanger ending.

Vincent escapes the caverns aboard his wounded Aerodactyl, badly beaten in the fight against Daniel's Buizel, and taken Lanette back to base. The boss is unhappy to find that the crystal compass was smashed, and the Lance couple plot their escape from forced service.

Again, this probably wasn't the greatest idea, going into this with six people. Sorry for the delay getting this submitted, but we were stalled for a long time....What an awkward RP....

[Toogee]

I'll try and get to this at some point. You guys would do well to move on in the meantime .

[Yzarc Drowsnam]

Broken Bonds and Bad Transmissions

The Cast:
Rebellion:
Richie Palmer
Violet Hunter

Magma:
Raine Vega

Civilian:
Abraham West

Richie and Violet team up with a few NPCs to save a friend of his by the name of Ramirez. Meanwhile, Abraham West, a civilian, gets caught cheating in a game of cards against a high ranking Magma operative. He gets kidnapped and sent to a warehouse prison type situation along with the famed Ramirez (who apparently is some kind of double or triple, possibly quadruple agent, but who really knows?). Abraham forges a tense relationship with both his cellmate, Ramirez, and his guard, Raine, who seems to be too smart for Ramirez's antics and for Abraham's silk tongue.

Protoman and rt117 went MIA after a while. Tymid and I made executive decisions to hijack the RP thread, since we didn't really like the terribly slow pace in which it was moving anyway. Sorry to whichever mod has to read this, as it is pretty terrible. We did manage to give it an ending, however, so I don't think you'll be entirely disappointed.

Oh yeah, also, Abraham joined Team Magma at the end.

This post has been edited by Yzarc Drowsnam: Jan 20 2011, 01:40 AM

[Master Houndoom]

Workin' on it.

[Toogee]

Double Cross, Apple Sauce: Review of “Double Cross”

This was a RP of dissolving loyalties, a good concept to explore. It’s nice to see that not everyone in Noverus is a brownnose. With that, the individual scoring:

Participation/Activity: 2/3

Skill: 4/7
I liked how he expressed doubt in the Rebellion’s ability to stop Magma. It provides a different perspective from most other members. I was not particularly fond of how easy it was for Paul to receive his first mission from Magma. No background check? He would have gone through a number of tests before getting that far. My biggest gripe would have to be during the river scene. Without looking at the profile, I would not have known that Paul had a fear of water. In his bio, he didn’t join Aqua because of this fear. Now, he’s not only going to join Aqua without a second thought, but he’s falling in rivers without displaying any sort of fear. Please stay true to your character.

Also, there seems to be a lack of description in your posts. No ill effects from being shocked by electricity? That would hurt any human! Yet Paul seems resistant to such attacks. What was his favorite comic? You mention it but never elaborate. Such things should be fleshed out.

Battle: 1/5

There was one short battle with a few wild pokemon, but no encounters with human opponents. Perhaps if given more time, you would have gotten around to that. I can’t really award much: even though the mareep evolved into a flaffy, fighting two opponents should not have been that easy.

Total: 7/15

Participation/Activity: 3/3


Skill: 5/7

I really like the partnership between Kishk and Daniel, especially during the car scene. It reminds me of those cop shows that focus on a pair of partners. You would do well to keep that up .

You had some pretty good posts at first, but once Daniel encountered Vincent, your posts became shorter. It’s sad because the rivalry between the two was a nice setup. Remember that posts shouldn’t just contain actions and speech. They should also entail description and emotion.

Battle: 3/5

As mentioned in the last RP grade, I’m still not a fan of the chain attacks. They seem a bit too much like powerplaying. It seems especially strange for a freshly-caught buizel to be able to perform such commands without any training whatsoever.

Again, description is key here too. Some of those battle posts could have been a bit longer.

Total: 11/15

Participation/Activity: 3/3


Skill: 6/7

Again, I really like the partnership with Reeves. You can read ICG’s review for that. I also like the conflict between his vengeance against Magma and his teenage crush for Jan. It makes him more human. Nice work.

Battle: 4/5

The battle with the shuppet was particularly good. You should strive for that kind of quality. I wasn’t a fan of Pidgey’s speech. It came off as too neutral, indifferent. That’s more of a skill thing though. That battle with Lanette could have been longer, or there could have been a rematch.

Total: 13/15

Participation/Activity: 3/3

Skill: 6/7

Here, Vincent shows that he is also not a mindless follower of his faction. However, he deliberately sabotaged a mission. It will be interesting to see how he and Lanette manage to stay in Noverus without incurring Aqua’s wrath. I assume they’re staying, of course.

However, the other mods and I are a bit concerned about how involved Lanette has become. She’s looking less and less like an NPC and more like the partners we haven’t allowed. If it helps, we are (once again) discussing the possibilities of partners in Uprising. For now, consider giving more spotlight to Vincent in the future.

Battle: 3/5

It wouldn’t be a Vincent-Daniel RP without some sort of battle. That battle was alright, though a little more description couldn’t hurt. Again, Lanette’s battle could have been longer.

Total: 12/15

Participation/Activity: 3/3

Skill: 7/7

Even with her low rank, Jan still back talks to her superiors. Love the sass. I look forward to more adventures with Jan running into Kishk.

Battle: 4/5

It was a great battle with the Mawile, but I would have like to have seen another against the human members.

Total: /15

Participation/Activity: 2/3

Skill: 7/7

Great posts! His flirtatious personality made him the comedic act of the roleplay. I just wish he was around a bit more.

Battle: 0/5

No battles, no points.


Total: 9/15

Rank: It was a pretty easy, straightforward mission. That’s not really a bad thing, but it won’t make you captain of the football team .

Paul: 0/175. Switching sides obviously means no rank points

Daniel: 105/175

Kishk: 105/175

Vincent: 120/175

Jan: 115/175

Oscar: 95/175

[Kamaitachi]

Warehouse Tango

The Warehouse Tango has hit its final cadence and is ready for grading!

Dancers:
Kanoa Kaipo - Progress Tracking


Spider - Progress Tracking


Estelle Roy - MIA

Synopsis: It's a fairly short rp.

Kanoa Kaipo and Estelle Roy are assigned their first actual mission with Team Magma. They're ordered to investigate the disturbance at the Magma Warehouse, Tango Alpha Gamma. As a secondary mission, they are to retrieve a set of blank ID cards for use at the Keep.

Unbeknownst to them, Spider has taken up residence at the Warehouse after escaping from an Insect-Pokemon Cult.

Kanoa and Estelle arrive at the Warehouse and proceed to infiltrate. Estelle remains outside while Kanoa sneaks in via a hole and piping in the side of the Warehouse. He's beset upon by Spider, who is defending his territory and a short battle ensues. Kanoa is essentially victorious, but the battle is inconclusive as Kanoa decides to reason with the child.

They come to terms, and Kanoa invites Spider to live with him, so he doesn't have to live in a derelict warehouse. As they move to leave, a Zubat attacks. Despite Spider's crippling phobia of flying pokemon, Kanoa manages to defeat and capture the Zubat before it decimates his entire team.

Kanoa takes Spider to his apartment, and reports his mission's completion to his superior officer. He hands over the ID cards and leaves the keep, opting to nickname all of his pokemon in order to get closer to them. Upon receiving his new name, Budew evolves into Roselia.

Thank you in advance.

[Master Houndoom]

Broken Bonds and Bad Transmissions Grades are GO!

Using Katt as a type of Partner: A big no no. Partners are not currently allowed in Uprising, though the issue is constantly being watched. Ramirez is being used as an alternate character. That's a skill lowerer. We need to see Richie, not a secondary character. It would not be an issue if Richie's actions were also posted. Posts get shorter as RP progresses.

Ramirez HAS A RAZOR IN A JAIL CELL. Not no way, not no how! Add a charmeleon in the mix. Yzarc had already established that pokéballs are confiscated. Magma is a more or less THE city militia, and Ramirez is showing them to be incompetent. Also, for a master of stealth to not know how to pick a lock is not unheard of, but it's usually within the skillset of such a person.

Careful in your writing (I am not taking skill points off for this yet). You have one redundant phrase ("Masters of stealth and being sneaky")

Ramirez is pulling a batman gambit, hoping that Raine would catch him (which he made obvious by outlining the plan, drawing a map, and passing a note to his cellmate directly in front of her). He is, I dare say, a little over powered. Don't be afraid to let your characters fail.

Participation: 2/3 (left early)
Skill: 4/7 Posts were short in the middle and focused almost exclusively on Ramirez, who is not his player. Kat should not be as much of a focus as she is, as no partners are allowed. The actual execution of the mission was written by another player entirely.
Battle: 2/5 There was one battle that you participated in. It was good, biut hard to see where you began and Violet ended.

Rank: 0 I cannot, with good conscience, give rank when you did not play out the execution of your mission, and only played your character for half the time you participated.

Abe is a decent character and unique. I like his style. The introduction of this character into the roleplay was unique and established his personality throughout. Would prefer less "posted with" and more individual posts that show his point of view uniquely. Some posts are overly short, but they show what I want (and Protoman does similar).

Please watch grammar (for example, Raine handled the situation "really well", not "real good", though I can see that as a point if the character is less intelligent, Abe does not strike me as being this, more that he is more street smart than book smart, but has an eloquent way of speaking.

Toward the end, when things got hectic, you seemed to lose the fourth wall a little bit. I laughed, but I ask that this not become a habit, if only because it does distract the reader from the story.

Participation: 3/3 You not only stayed to the end, but you picked up the story when half of the RPers abandoned it.
Skill: 7/7 Some really short posts, and some grammar errors, but overall well written
Battle: 5/5 I would say by the skin of your teeth. The last battle and the one at the beginning were it, and the one at the beginning was pretty much over before it was shown. Still, you battled very well at the end.

Rank: 0 You didn't join a rankable faction until the very last post.

I really, really like Raine. She's timid, but knows when to stand up to the prisoners. I love that her social interactions are coming from books. Also, I think smart girls are fun to read, so I've been inspired to keep closer attention to her.

Good that you played along, though you had the right to complain to your fellow RPers and get it changed. Edits are most certainly allowed before grading.

Please be aware of situations, though I'm sure it seemed obvious. It's not a huge sticking point, but a matter of improvement to show that either Omicron pulled his tail away from the bars, or that she was careful not to touch them as she reached for the contraband. Also, any dialogue needs to be separated by paragraphs. If two people speak, then a new paragraph needs to be started when the second person speaks. This is unique to dialogue.

Is the spelling of pokémon ("Poke'mon") and the like an attempt to put the accent over the e, or is it a sign of an accent, a specific pronunciation? (For your own knowledge, and you may choose to use this or not, I use the tactic of holding down the alt key and type 0233 on the keypad to the right on my keyboard to make the accented e. I believe the same thing can be done on a mac, but with the apple key instead of the alt key, but that is only speculation)

Her breakdown at the end and her desperate ploy were believable.

Participation: 3/3 You also stepped up when others left.
Skill: 7/7 Like Yzarc, you had some posts that had questionable grammar and sentence structure, but I enjoyed the read overall.
Battle: 5/5 Again, by the skin of your teeth, but the battle situation was only provided at the end. The control of her pokémon throughout was impressive, and I enjoyed that aspect.

Rank: 150. She did her job, she used her head, and she wasn't afraid to switch things up on the execution or when trouble started. I think it could have been more realistic, but I don't think you could have controlled that aspect, if you catch my meaning.

2 posts. Not gradable. I understand that you collaborated with Protoman, but that shows a very small amount of participation, and even if I added those, it was 4 posts out of 42 total. While I don't usually count posts (size does matter in this case), this shows a distinct lack of participation.

Participation: 1/3
Skill: 2/7
Battle: 0/5

Rank: 0 points (hardly any participation, no rank.)

Good job, keep it up, and please don't take any harsh comments or scores as a detriment: You can improve, and I believe you will.

[Umbrae Calamitas]

Much apologies for the wait. Warehouse Tango has been graded.

Kanoa's character is both amusing and interesting, due to how you play him. His naivety is interesting to see, in a character that has essentially picked a side in a war. His ignorance in some areas is well-done and believable, which not only makes it all the better, but assures that I will be interested in following his character.

As to the points below...

Your posts were long and wonderfully detailed - something that I enjoy seeing members do. You stuck around for the full RP, and so you gained full points for participation.

As I said previously, Kanoa's character is well-played and you're keen with your use of description. You gained full points for skill, as well, with my only real suggestion being to work a little on describing your battle scenes a bit more in-depth.

As for the battles themselves, there were two and they were nicely done, though the first ended rather abruptly, before being commanded to, when Spider's pokemon chose to be somewhat amicable. Because some of Kanoa's pokemon appeared to be quite aggressive, the fact that the battles did not continue, at least until Kanoa's command to stop, was a little... odd. Docked one point for believability. I enjoyed the battle with the zubat, by the way - very fighter-jet-esque. Loving the whole crashing into the floor bit.

Also, good choice on the pokemon naming theme. Very original - I like it.

The mission was fairly simple - check out a possible disturbance and grab some ID cards. Mission was completed successfully, even though your partner skipped out on you for coffee, and I enjoyed the touch that Kanoa lied to his superior to keep Spider's role a secret.

Participation: 3/3
Skill: 7/7
Battle: 4/5

Total: 14/15
Rank: 150

As with Kamai's character, Kanoa, Spider was an awesome character to follow. I was drawn to the strange speech patterns, and thrown off by them in a way that fit with your character's personality and his particular position. It's a fitting and effective technique, done on purpose or subconsciously.

Most points are the same as Kamai's, so you can read that for reference. Full points to Participation and Skill for long, well-written posts and your sticking around for the full RP. As with Kamai, the battle was short and cut off, due to your pokemon's... friendliness. Slightly unrealistic, considering the aggressive nature some of your pokemon displayed, and you didn't have a second battle to offset this, so points were docked.

No rank because you had no mission. I will note, I loved the flashback and the backstory that is unfolding nicely. I'll be interested to follow Spider around.

Participation: 3/3
Skill: 7/7
Battle: 3/5

Total: 13/15
Rank: none

Kinda disappointing that you just decided to book it in the middle of the RP - before the middle, actually. 1 point for participation, because you were at least there to start.

Your posts were of a good length and well-written, though I admit to having been extremely confused at the start of your initial post. Regardless of the fact that there are member profiles that those who read your RP can stalk, I would suggest being certain to describe your character's physical appearance in your posts, and not just the clothing. It's important that we be able to see your character. Estelle didn't have much of a face without that description, though her choosing not to correct Kanoa's assumptions at her experience were amusing and believable. Points were docked for that, as well as the abrupt disappearance without you having given your character a post to work that into the story.

Due to abandonment of the mission, no rank points are given.

No battles were forthcoming, and so you got no points.

Participation: 1/3
Skill: 4/7
Battle: 0/5

Total: 5/15
Rank: none

Again, sorry for the wait, guys. I enjoyed the RP. I hope this satisfies, but any questions, PM me.

[Amissa]

Devil in Disguise is finally complete!

The Players:

deyv as Tyler Paulson
Amissa as Caroline Kelly
Ozzy as Luna Cardelle
Xal as Karuto Jones

Caroline is dealing with a lot of changes, since her brother returned home as a new member of Team Magma. She's moved with her family into the suburban district, into a nicer house, and soon she will have to leave her job and start over in a new school. Her boss is worried about how the store will survive without her, so Caroline goes with her coworker Destiny out to the suburban park in the hopes of helping Destiny capture a new pokemon. There, Caroline captures a new pokemon and meets up once again with Luna and Karuto, who she hasn't seen since that long stormy night in the pokemon center. The three of them decide to have a friendly battle. Meanwhile, Tyler Paulson a new Magma recruit, is forced to work with Rick Kelly on a mission to obtain Caroline's spearow. After a short detour to capture a pokemon, a small amount of confusion tracking Caroline down, and immense frustration due to the two not getting along at all, they find her and her friends battling in the park. In order to gain the trust of the group of children, the Magmas escort the group to the Pokemon Center. There, after negotiations have failed and Tyler has no more tricks up his sleeve, he and Rick have no choice but to take Caroline's pokemon by force.

Little did they know that the Pokemon Center that they were in was The Sanctuary, and the Rebels there had their own reason for wanting the spearow. Nurse Joy switched Caroline's spearow with a decoy, and returned the pokemon to her original trainer. Caroline decided to pursue Tyler, since he still had all of her other pokemon. Tyler discovers the decoy and heads back to the Pokemon Center to see what went wrong. Tyler and Caroline meet partway and have a short verbal confrontation before Tyler folds and gives over the girl's pokemon. Before Caroline can escape, however, Rick shows up and reveals that Caroline still has the spearow that they want. Tyler and Rick battle Caroline, and Caroline loses and ends up having to hand over her spearow to her brother. Tyler and Rick complete their mission, and Caroline's spearow loses many of its memories. Caroline gets her spearow back and heads home, but she encounters a man named Jack Spade on the way. Jack Spade tells Caroline about the Rebellion, and she eventually agrees to join. Meanwhile, Tyler returns the decoy spearow to Nurse Joy with no hard feelings and complains to her about his job.

Important Points:
*Tyler captures a mankey
*Caroline captures a sandshrew
*Caroline and Karuto fight Luna in a double battle, which Karuto wins.
*Karuto's squirtle evolves into wartortle
*Karuto captures an eevee
*Tyler captures a voltorb
*Caroline gets robbed by her own brother and Tyler helps
*Caroline battles Tyler and Rick and loses.
*Caroline joins the Rebellion
*Tyler hates his job

Thank you in advance for the grading, and I hope that I submitted this right. I eagerly await your feedback!

[Master Houndoom]

Devil In Disguise is now graded!

Due to the unfortunate causes of distraction I have at work, and a lack of time as well, I must give the "quick and dirty" grading, meaning that I will post scores, but not much in the way of comments.

Amissa: You did well in posting length. Some of the story elements were good: The conflict between Rick and Caroline, being family but with different factions, was wonderful. I liked her decision to Rebel rather than to Magma. Your posts were long but not hard to read. The only criticism I have is that some potential conflicts seemed overly easily resolved. Case in Point: Friday attacking Destiny was brushed off as if it weren't terrifying.

Score: 15/15
Rank: None, as she joined the faction at the end.

Deyv87: Also well written, with some interesting mechanics (the pic of his notebook was a nice touch). I warn against using pictures in links only because some web providers, especially ones that are part of a business, will not allow access to photo hosting sites, so it may be lost. Otherwise it is a very good innovation that deserves mention. Tyler's polite approach is definitely different for a Magma operative, and was a pleasure to read.

Score: 15/15
Rank: 125 MAGMA since Mr Sotoro didn't seem to appreciate his style, but appreciated his tenacity.

Xal: Does not seem to work here anymore. Good RPs, but some problems with Grammar. Should he return, 13/15

Ozzy: Only posted twice. No score I would definitely like to see more from this player, however.

Apologies for the time.

[PinkiePie]

Not so much a grading, more like an archival.

Deus Ex Machina

Me and Shiny started an RP, but then he disappeared off the face of the earth. One month later....
Well, I wanted to get Vincent and Lanette married at the end of this. Can we say that happened, and I'll work out the rest in another RP?

[Yzarc Drowsnam]

Hi, The Most Important Delivery of All Time is finished.

Summary: Abraham and Raine are given their first assignment: A delivery to Da Hood. On their way there, though, Jened Tenkuu overhears discussion about a package and takes it upon himself to disrupt what was clearly a mission from an opposing team. He follows them for some time before they are interrupted by Team Aqua and joins their fight when they assume he is with them. Afterwards, he chases Abe and Raine down yet again and finally, they do battle.

Team Magma:
Abraham West: Progress Tracking
Raine Vega: Progress Tracking

Rebellion:
Jened Tenkuu: Progress Tracking

Things that happened:
Raine "captured" Epsilon the Horsea.
Jened's Hoppip evolved into Skiploom.

This post has been edited by Yzarc Drowsnam: Apr 18 2011, 10:11 AM

[Master Houndoom]

Vincent: Unfortunately, with 7 posts, I can't grade this, as you've correctly surmised. However, I will award you the three participation points, and allow the off-screen marriage to Lanette, provided it's handled well in the next RP (and, really, what am I going to do if it's not, make them divorce?)

Yzarc: I am in a huge project at work, but I will grade this ASAP. If it is not graded by a week from Friday, please remind me (I will be traveling all next week, so that's the reason for the longer-than-a-week delay.)

[PinkiePie]

'preciate it, thanks.

This post has been edited by Vincent Lance: Apr 13 2011, 11:50 AM

[Master Houndoom]

Kanye: OK, all you delivery folks out there, I like you fine, I got mad respect for you, but Tymid, Yzarc, and Knil1 had THE MOST IMPORTANT DELIVERY OF ALL TIME! OF ALL TIME!!!

First, I want to say I'm extremely sorry for the long delay in grading this. I'll make no excuses, and will try to do better in the future.

I really enjoyed reading this and actually laughed out loud during it. A few special moments really made my day. I look forward to seeing you all again, together or separately.

The story was engaging and flowed naturally except for a few bumps, which is to be expected in a multiplayer story like this. The mission was well done and the surprise twix twist at the end made it even better, IMNSHO.

In order of appearance:

Participation: 3/3 - You stayed. Awesome

Skill: 7/7 - I am greatly impressed at the improvement that was made from the last RP. As said before, the skips between different authors made for some jarring moments, especially since conversations were, essentially, gone over twice, once from either side. I liked the beginning of a personal evolution for Abraham, and look forward to seeing how he shapes of, or even IF he changes at all. I liked that some of his interactions with Raine were spot on, and others were so widely off as to be laughable to those who can see both sides of the thought process. I also liked that he was, more or less, oblivious to Jened's following. One thing I want to comment on: The narrator's breaking of the fourth wall just doesn't fit this type of format, I'm afraid. I'm a fan of the technique myself, but I feel it distracts from the story far too much. It is especially prevalent in the beginning; in later posts, it sounded like it was more Abraham's thought process and fit in much better.

Battle: 5/5 - Impressive. You managed to beat opponents without making it seem like your pokemon overpowered yours in a very realistic battle style. The final battle also was well done. Also, the final battle, with the combined posts, was handled just the way I prefer it: You took turns posting the combined posts. Full marks!

Participation: 3/3 - Pretty much the same as Abraham's.

Skill: 7/7 - I was impressed again with the way character was maintained. You had some surprisingly funny bits in her interactions (surprising meaning I didn't expect them from the narrative flow, not surprising meaning I didn't think you had the skill), my favorite being the machop fainting because her trainer forgot to tell her to breath again. Her interactions with Abraham were, mincing no words, adorable, and I look forward to seeing any relationship between them, be it friendship, romance, or being enemies, develop. At the same time, watch your spelling in some cases, and some of the words didn't properly flow. All in all, I loved reading it. One more small thing, however: Two people should never have quoted dialogue in the same paragraph. There is no shame in writing many, shorter paragraphs when it comes to dialogue.

Battle: 5/5 - Like Abraham, your pokemon didn't overwhelm and the battles were realistic. Raine's knowledge of her pokemon's abilities and her willingness to use non-damaging attacks is refreshing and wonderful. I also liked the change in confidence when it comes to battling, and take guilty pleasure over her putting it to Stephen. He was a jerk. Also, the final battle, with the combined posts, was handled just the way I prefer it: You took turns posting the combined posts. Full marks!

Participation: 3/3 - Didn't quit. Had fewer posts in the beginning, but still well within acceptable limits. I would try to keep more even with the other two posters, however.

Skill: 4/7 - There were some stumbling blocks here. The writing was engaging and the plot was moved forward, but there were some changes I simply couldn't see as realistic. Further, sometime the cases were mixed: present and past case should not be mixed in a paragraph. Unfortunately, the use of the uncle struck me as a deus ex machina, as there was no mention of Janed being followed before the last post with him in it. Lastly, and this was not taken in by the score this time, he seems inconsistent with his profile: It says he prefers to be called "Sol", yet he introduced himself to Abraham as "Jened". I allowed for two possibilities in my decision to not take off for the grading: He may have changed his preference in an earlier RP, or he may have been showing an odd disrespect for Abraham by not giving the name he preferred. The drawing of a gun at the end made me lose respect for the character as well: I have used a gun in my own posts, but generally have portrayed the characters using them as weak, cowards, or both.

Battle: 5/5 - Well done battles. There was a bit of a hiccup in the secondary battle (with the Aqua agents), but still well within the realms of possibility, given Sol's pokemon's levels. The second battle made up for it. There were a couple of times I almost vehemently protested the changed mechanics of a move (the biggest being Swift), but you made up for it by explaining it (making Swift turn around and hit from behind), which was enjoyable. I did not take points from this, because it's an honest mistake, but try to avoid using mechanic-specific dialogue. I speak of the use of the terms "OHKO" and "HP". There are no hit points in real life, and I doubt that OHKO has become a term amongst battlers.

Once again, I look forward to further works in Uprising!

[Yzarc Drowsnam]

Thanks for the grade MH. Sorry to pick at you, but do we get any faction points?

[Master Houndoom]

Thanks for the grade MH. Sorry to pick at you, but do we get any faction points?

Again, apologies. I forgot faction points. Full faction points (150) for all three.

[Master Houndoom]

A Day in the Life is finished and ready for grading.

Despite having been worn down in their last mission, the team of Ivy Kylerian, Sagira Smythe, and Jay Lange are recalled to duty in order to find out what off shoot group is making trouble, seemingly in the name of Aqua... or is it Magma?