[X] My Assistant

[Toogee]

I'll take it, but since we're running an event, this will be delayed.

[Rasu]

The Wild Chills and Thrills of the Safari is now finished. This time the group heads to the Safari Zone to get some of them Pokémon. After the trip they decide to grab something to eat at the restaurant, only to get rudely interrupted by a group of rich teenagers. Simple plot, everybody made it to the end except DJSanders who disappeared during the final battles.

The cast:

Tekno - Tyson Ealdwine (Current Levels)
Dragonwish2 - Elizabeth (Liz) Nadira Shir (Current Levels)
Pinsir - Zach Schmidt (Current Levels)
DJSanders - David Anderson (Current Levels)
Pokefan209 - Kenz Issone (Current Levels)

Noteworthy events:

• Liz catches a Zorua
• Zach catches a Sandile and a Rufflet
• Kenz catches a Tropius
• David catches a Snivy
• Tyson catches an Elekid
• Tyson's Chikorita evolves into a Bayleef
• The gang makes a bunch of rich kids going back crying to their mommies!

[Kamaitachi]

The Wild Chills and Thrills of the Safari

I , for one, have difficulty in writing up very long posts, so I understand. However, I noted that a majority of the posts are fairly short. Oftentimes, they fall within the realm of a few sentences. It doesn't hurt to add descriptions, rather than glaze things along for the sake of posting, or for the sake of moving things along. Sometimes, we, the readers, like to enjoy the moments, rather than being rushed through them.

Part of what it was is that many of you posts too frequently. Sometimes it's better to wait for everyone to post before you make your next statement, thereby giving you more things to respond to, and thus elongating your posts. It makes things flow easier that way, and you can fit several lines of dialogue in, rather than simply performing a single action and saying a single line.

Continuing on this trend, each of you have some wonderful moments of personal characterization. The drawback is, with such short posts, we really don't get to see more of it. You, the roleplayers, simply state something either as a thought or as a narrative sidebar, and never really give examples of exactly how the character portrays this. For instance: David Anderson parting with Charmander for the first time. It's merely a blip, and it's not really mentioned anymore in that post. We don't get to see how nervous or anxious he is without his dearest pokemon.

When your posts do get longer, they're definitely more enjoyable to read. There are so many little details that I could pick up from people, which increased the enjoyment tenfold.

Since you each only had one battle, I can't rightly give you full marks for your battle scores. But they were well done, and nice to see people playing with type disadvantages.

Tekno - Tyson Ealdwine

Participation: 3/3
Skill: 6/7 Kudos for being the thread-runner on this rp. Wrangling four other roleplayers is not exactly an easy task, and you performed it well.
Battle: 4/5

Total: 13/15

Dragonwish2 - Elizabeth Nadira Shir

Participation: 3/3
Skill: 5/7
Battle: 4/5

Total: 12/15

Pinsir - Zach Schmidt

Participation: 3/3
Skill: 5/7
Battle: 4/5

Total: 12/15

DJSanders - David Anderson
Just so you know, on occasion, you'd refer to Gator as 'Crock'. I'm wondering if this was intentional?

Participation: 2/3 You didn't stay until the end. Boo you!
Skill: 3/7
Battle: 1/5 You got bunnied during the battle. Aw bum.

Total: 6/15

Pokefan209 - Kenz Issone
Be careful, your posts are very short, and it doesn't let us know too much about how Kenz reacts to her surroundings.

Participation: 3/3
Skill: 4/7 There is a huge difference between 'there', 'their' and 'they're'. They're problematic for most people, but it's something you should try and keep in mind. Spellcheck doesn't catch homophones ever.
Battle: 3/5

Total: 10/15

Other than my few criticisms, this was pretty nice. It's great to see everyone improving more and more with each roleplay. Keep it up!

[Toogee]

Review of “Wonders of Port Barley” With Bonus Musical Short!

The Wonders of Port Barley,
The surfers are totally gnarly.
We’ll all comb the beach while we sing Bob Marley,
The Wonders of Port Barley!
*jazz hands*

There’s not much to work with in this RP. Much of it consisted of ordering pizza and not much else. Had this RP continued with the two remaining members, you could have received more points. The double battle could have happened off-screen, with James and Willow going off to explore the Pokeathlon afterwards. This leaves Kaya and Rose to explore…wait for it…the wonders of Port Barley ! They could have explored the shops and beaches together, perhaps developing a good friendship. For a twist, one or both of them would run out of money; how would they continue their adventure? Luckily, there was a newbie tournament taking place on the beach. Grand prize was…enough cash to start a journey! Kaya and Rose could have entered and eventually had to face each other. That battle would decide the winner, but rather than one girl taking the money for herself, the two would share it and continue their adventures together. That would have been a pretty god way to continue and receive much more points.

As it stands, I’ll see what I can do.

Participation/Activity: 2/3.

Though you were posting, you also departed. Being the thread starter, your departure killed the RP.

Skill: 5/7.

You had some punctuation/spelling trouble that made a few posts a bit difficult to understand. Try making posts in a word processor to avoid such mistakes. I could have used more description on the city and the pizza shop, but your posts were pretty sufficient in length and had more detail than most. Too bad you left, you were starting to improve


Battle: 0/5. No battles, no points.


Total: 7/15

Total: 3/15

You made three posts and left. That’s really not enough to grade. I went ahead and gave you the minimal amount. I will say that your posts were great. I liked Willow’s reaction upon seeing her “old friend”.

Participation/Activity: 3/3

Skill: 7/7

This was a great debut for Rose. Right from the first post, we were able to see what kind of person Rose was. There was a lot of content. You’re off to a great start

Battle: 0/5

Again, no battles, no points.

Total: 10/15

Participation/Activity: 3/3

Skill: 3/7

You were a very prolific poster. Unfortunately, that was part of the problem of your very short posts. It doesn’t hurt to wait for someone else to post if you have nothing to say. It would have helped if you had added more description of the scenery. The smells and sights of the city and pizza shop would have been a good opportunity to show off some skill. Perhaps for next time.

I really didn’t like Luke’s intro into the group. It felt like Kaya simply grabbed a random person off the street and had him join the party. I can only guess that his story was to be expanded upon had the RP not died. Right now though, it was a rushed action just to get another trainer for a double match.

Battle: 0/5

See others for details

Total: 6/15

[Angels Fall Firs...]

On the Edge of the Ocean

RP THREAD
OOC THREAD

Stranded in Fidona still, Finnley has been not having the time of his life as he would have thought. First he misses his kick, second, which isn't really a bad thing, he meets a woman, and third he gets attacked by fish. The woman he meets is Jill, and he begins a good relationship with her right away. She offers to buy him food and their night goes quickly by as they finish off with dinner and head their separate ways.

But they soon meet back up again, when Finn is attacked by wild Carvanhas. With the help of Jill and her two Pokemon, Pele and Vinyl, along with a wild Krabby and Finn's Torchic, Nihall, who evolves into a Combusken, they defeat the raging fish. Right after the pairs part again, with each leaving an imprint in the other, even if they didn't intend on it.

CAST:
Finn Oakley - Angels Fall First - Profile|Current Levels
Jill Laurent - Yzarc Drowsnam - Profile|Current Levels

This post has been edited by Angels Fall First: Jul 10 2011, 01:12 AM

[Kamaitachi]

Sur le bord de l'océan

Participation: All the way through? Fantastic. 3/3
Skill: A majority of your posts are a little on the short side. I'd appreciate just a touch more details here and there, concerning actions, appearances and thought processes.

You tend to follow the same sentence structure with each sentence. No points were docked for this, but it'd be nice to see you vary it up from "He did this. Finn did this. She did this. Finn then did this." 5/7

Battle: There was only the battle with the pair of Carvanha, but it was pretty good. Perhaps since the Krabby is such a warrior, it may have wanted to battle before being so easily captured. 4/5

Total: 12/15

Participation: You finished? Me too! 3/3

Skill: Sans bias on my part, you've once again brought us a very compelling character with both a rich inner life and very distinct dialogue. I'm enjoying Jill, and associate more with her and her losses in life very nicely. 7/7

Battle: Only one battle, and Jill didn't really do all that much in it. I'm loathe to do this, but we all know that POKEMON ARE BATTLE HARDENED WARRIORS WHO FIGHT MERCILESSLY. 4/5

Total: 14/15

Thanks you two!

[Master Houndoom]

A Tale of Two Kitties is now finished!

Terra Hunter's grandfather calls her up, reporting to her that his glameow, Aurora, was pokénapped! At the Pokécenter, she (literally) ran into Branwys Muphenz, a young lady with the odd predicament of being roughly half normal size. The pair had barely collided when Franscesco "Cesc" Rojas also collided - with the ground - on his way to make a delivery in Port Barley. The three agree to work together to recover Aurora, and, after a confrontation with the kidnappers, split up to follow two different leads. Cesc and Branwys encounter the kidnappers and rescue Aurora, and take her to Terra's grandfather. That night, they enjoy a little dinner and a little romance, opening possibilities by exchanging phone numbers... or DID they?!

(Please note: Terra's player pulled out of PANE in the middle of the RP. It was continued by Branwys' and Cesc's players, hence the split.)

[Kamaitachi]

Par-Tay in Gigarte is also over, meaning both of my PANE characters are up for grading at the same time!!!

Taggarty Lee is searching for Raven Amaranth after they split up, heading over to a circus where he believes she is. Seiccan Serroc attempts to make his Contest Circuit debut, but doesn't have enough pokemon. He winds up taking up a small gig at the same circus. Naturally, Justin Smart also happens to take a gig at the circus, but he's working security.

So, Tag and Justin separately stumble across a Move Master, teaching both of their pokemon several new combat techniques. Tag also stumbles across a very familiar Seviper, but then finds Justin and Nate, causing Tag to realize that this is the same Seviper from "Operation Wounded Snake", where they all first met.

Tag is talked out of a fight, and ends up attempting to rescue some of the pokemon there, capturing a Slowpoke in the process. Meanwhile, Justin and Nate work their security gig for Seiccan's show.

Tag and Seiccan bump into one another, and start a fight. Things get out of hand when the man who had guarded the Slowpoke appears, and then proceed to get more out of hand when Justin appears.

After dispersing once more, Tag attempts to rescue the Seviper, somewhat aided by Seiccan, but they're ultimately thwarted by Justin. In lieu of fighting, (well, major fighting), they talk it over (sorta). A peaceful, non-violent solution in reached, and all three head their separate ways again.

[Toogee]

Review of “A Tale of Two Kitties”

It was the best of kitties; it was the worse of kitties… Yeah, I went there.

I have to admit, once Bronze Charizard left, I thought this RP was written off. Luckily, you two managed to finish the job and rather well. Enough of the chit-chat, let’s begin.

Participation/Activity: 2/3.

Well, you left in the middle.

Skill: 5/7.

A great effort on your part. I liked your pokemons’ reactions (such as Redsky’s reaction to Cesc’s sneasel). Some of those posts could have been a little longer.

Battle: 3/5.

A little more description would have helped a bit.

Total: 10/15

Participation/Activity: 3/3

Skill: 7/7

I really liked how Cesc was completely oblivious both to Brawny’s figure and to the larger mission. He’s very easily distracted when it comes to his wares and his pokemon. Nice execution. My only little quip was sudden proposal to ask Brawnys out. It may have been a subtle realization, but I never read whether Cesc realized Brawnys was a young woman (at least before the dinner).

Battle: 5/5

Varied moves and tactics, no domination of the enemy. Nicely done

Total: 15/15

Participation/Activity: 3/3

Skill: 7/7

A wonderful debut RP for Brawnys! We see every aspect of her profile displayed here in great detail. From her engineering skills to her displeasure of being treated like a kid, it’s all here. We also see her desires for love, with dates likely rare for her considering her condition. Everything’s good here.

Battle: 5/5

I’m lazy so see Kamai’s comments.

Total: 15/15

[Living Arrow]

Review of “Par-Tay in Gigarte”

The whole Tag/Justin/Nate combo gets me every time - LOVE it. I've not had any exposure to Douken's secondary character, Seiccan, before but it's clear that he'll be a fast-rising star in our PANE community. Below are your scores but I can make it easy for you and just say: "Holy crap! Well done!"

Participation/Activity: 3/3.
Skill: 7/7. Writing skill aside, I love to see Tag's actual trainer skill coming through with his battles, move sets and strategy. I thought I knew a lot about these games and then Tag cam along and BAM my strategies went straight in the trash. Writing on-side, I thought it was adorable to see Tag go la-la over a silly little Slowpoke and can't wait to see that partner play out (especially battles). Can't really fault your posts so full marks.
Battle: 5/5. Tonbo battling <3 I wonder what his curse would be? :P

Total: 15/15

Participation/Activity: 3/3
Skill: 7/7. I've probably said this before but your dialogue is amazing. You should totally do script-writing if you don't already . I'm liking the development of Justin and Nate as a team and it's even better to see their humanity conflicting with their job.
Battle: 5/5. Although your battles were brief, they were well-written and you paid particular attention to detail - especially with Hitmontop's Earthquake and its uncontrollable power.

Total: 15/15

Participation/Activity: 3/3
Skill: 7/7. Having a rock-style co-ordinator in Furoh should spice some performances up a bit! I really liked the way you put out the mystical Lugia performance and "Tiki-man"? LMFAO You had some great comedic moments in this roleplay - something that I think suits Seiccan well and I'd love to see him keeping up the humour in future. (Loving lil Drummer!)
Battle: 5/5. Nice battling with Mara. Shame about the others :P Very cute action from Seiccan's team - They're a hit with me already!

Total: 15/15

[Master Houndoom]

The Mirrormist at Twilight is now complete.

Darryn, (joined quickly by his cousin, Lyla), Tuesday, Jaima and Meiko show up in Petropolis and go on to forget their previous troubles as much as possible. Tuesday performs in her first contest, and Darryn in his second, while Jaima gets his third gym battle in. Easy as 1, 2, 3, right? NOT right. There's returning rivals, mischievous mirages, and particularly petulant pokemon in the mix!

[Kamaitachi]

The Mirrormist at Twilight

Well, I've been reading along this entire time, and needless to say, I think this was an excellent done roleplay, from start to finish.

I've grown very fond of Darryn, Lyla, Jaima, Meiko, and Tuesday, because I've been an avid reader of all of their roleplays thus far. There's a lot of definite character interaction, growth, and drama, which I enjoy greatly. It'll be sad to see Team Rogue disband, but it'll be interesting to see where your characters develop from here.

Activity: 3/3
Skill: 7/7 So...what happens between now and Starfall Field that makes Lady go all emo?
Battle: 5/5 It was only one battle, and I may be biased since I played Rio, but still, it was a seat gripper!

Total: 15/15

Activity: 3/3
Skill: 7/7 It's really interesting to see Reilly with the group now, as I can't really see him as anything more than a neutral-hostile at best. It'll be interesting to see how he develops alongside Tuesday in roleplays to come.
Battle: 5/5 I think Taunt might've ruined your life, but you ran with it, and still wrote the battle with the aplomb I usually expect from you.
Total: 15/15

Activity: 3/3
Skill: 7/7 It's interesting to see how Nightwish immediately causes trouble, even as a new addition to the team. It was nice to see it expanded in the tandem roleplay in Starfall Field, so I'm curious as to see what comes of that drama?
Battle: 5/5 Wow! Jaima's Twilight Badge Battle was definitely an exciting one. Full marks for certain.

Total: 15/15

[Kamaitachi]

Meh. Double Post.

The Judged is in need of judging.

Taggarty Lee ventures to Aridana, where he meets and quickly engages in a battle with Vernon "Luck Truck" Blazena, whose Pokemon Egg has just hatched into a baby Riolu. The match ends poorly for Vernon, as Tag's Ledian, Suzu, sends Vernon's Tepig, Razor, to the infirmary with some serious wounds.

After the battle, some old acquaintances from Tag's past appear. Pino and Lily Graham, from Blackthorn City. Pino challenges Tag to a battle, and after a fairly extensive match, Pino wins, knocking Tag unconscious and taking his pokemon. As Vernon springs to Tag's aid, he's barred by Lily, who his a neophyte trainer in her own regard. Pino and Lily make a hasty getaway, while Tag recovers.

In need of a team to recover his companions, Tag races out into the desert, snagging two pokemon with quick balls. Tag then summons up his Snorunt, Orin, who evolves into a Froslass, and Zuki, his Poochyena.

Vernon stumbles across a wounded mudkip and takes it to the pokemon center.

Tag and Vernon engage Pino and Lily in their respective matches. Tag, using excellent tactics, defeats Pino in the rematch, reclaiming his pokemon. However, their battlefield is set aflame by a stray Fire Blast, causing Vernon to suffer a Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder Flashback. Tag paves the exit with Orin the Froslass, Ray MK III the Croagunk, and Lily's Trapinch, carrying Vernon to safety.

I'm bad at summaries.

Vernon "Luck Truck" Blazena - Royal Summoner Kitten
-Tepig, Croagunk, Zorua, Riolu

Taggarty "Tag" Lee - Kamaitachi
-Ledian, Nidorino, Bellossom, Vulpix, Froslass, Slowpoke, Poochyena, Spinda, Nosepass

[Toogee]

Judgment Day: Review of “The Judged”

Another great story. We get to see more of Tag’s background and a little bit of Vernon’s. My only complaint on that front was that it was a bit short for my tastes. Very little time passed between Tag’s defeat and his victory. Alright, on to the reviews!

Participation/Activity: 3/3.

Skill: 6/7

It’s about time we get some dish on Tag’s past. Even with the string of blasts from the past, Tag takes them in his usual Tag calmness. This calmness breaks when he loses his team of pokemon, forcing him to catch new pokemon in order to get them back. This is the part I had problems with. Not enough time was spent getting to know his new pokemon. I know he was in a rush and all, but considering the length of the RP, it would have been beneficial.

Battle: 5/5.

Somehow, Tag manages to get the most underused pokemon and defeat dragons with them. Great depiction of that.

Total: 14/15

Participation/Activity: 3/3

Skill: 3/7

It was great to see a character who’s very emotional (Vernon) interact with Tag. It was fun to see Vernon oblivious to Tag’s annoyance. While these extreme emotions seem to be part of his personality, they appear out of context with the situation. For example, Vernon goes on a tirade against Piro just minutes after the kid was defeated by Tag. Why would Vernon do that for someone who’s a complete stranger? When Piro reveals Tag’s past crimes to Vernon, not only does he ignore the charges, but he also attempts to give away a pokemon to Tag. We’re not given any detail as to why Vernon would do this. Had he at least questioned Tag about what Piro said, we may have gotten more details about Tag’s past and a closer relationship between the two.

Most of your posts are still quite short. In addition to speech and actions, you should include explanation as to why Vernon does what he does, as well as his thoughts on the situation.

Battle: 3/5

These posts could also be a bit longer. What direction is the attack coming from? How is it being performed? In addition, the switching tactics tend to be quite cheap, especially when attacking immediately afterwards. I’d like to note that Zorua’s Illusion ability should probably be limited to pokemon in Vernon’s team.

Total: 9/15

[Living Arrow]

Beginnings, Bullies and a Beatdown in Barley has finished!

Just starting out, new trainers Lori and Will find themselves to be the punching bags of a local gang of bullies in Barley. To get the older kids to leave them alone, the pair challenge them to a Pokemon battle but will these young trainers have what it takes to win?

Lori Pardare - Living Arrow -Piplup, Snivy
Will Soraka - Zohariel - Baltoy, Sentret

[Kamaitachi]

I'll take this, since it slipped under the radar. I should have it up by the end of the week at the latest.

[Kamaitachi]

Too long in the waiting

Lori Pardare:

Attendance: 3/3 It was short, but you stayed through.
Skill: 4/7 Your writing, as per usual, is excellent. It shows a good sense of humour, as well as a flair for telling stories. I cannot, in all good conscience, give you full marks, as you didn't meet the minimum required of ten posts.
Battle: 4/5 There was only one real battle, in my opinion, and it was well handled. I like that Lori has a long way to go. Once again, I can't give you full marks, due to there being one big battle, and not in a full roleplay.

Total: 11/15

Will soraka: (He's free to pick these up if he ever returns)

Attendance: 2/3 You were the one that left, so no full marks for you!
Skill: 4/7 It's a shame you went inactive, I really enjoyed Will as a character, as well as the skill you employed in portraying him. As with LA, I can't give you full marks, as it wasn't a complete roleplay.
Battle: 4/5 You only had one real battle, but it was handled nicely. Cubone vs Baltoy was fun to read, as was Sentret and Snivy versus Poochyena and Stunky.

Total: 10/15

[Absoleevee]

Theft at Barley

OOC = http://forums.gtsplus.net/index.php?showtopic=60022
RP = http://forums.gtsplus.net/index.php?showtopic=60044

Roleplayers:

1. Allie Snow - Profile
2. Nathan Packerman-Profile
3. Hunter Price - Profile

Summary:
Allie arrives at Port Barley and hears about a thief stealing items from shops. Soon, she gets her bag stolen and meets Nate and Hunter as they help her find it.

Events-
* Hunter's Tyrogue evolved into Hitmonchan
* A giant battle with Meowth and Persian and win

[Living Arrow]

GRADING: THEFT IN BARLEY

All in all a very basic roleplay that was well-written. Albeit predictable, I found it interesting to read from you three as I’m not familiar with your roleplaying as members in this forum and was keen to see how you worked together. Below are your scores and a couple of general comments:

Minor note for all of you: Please remember that not everyone can follow every roleplay so nicknames for Pokemon are not descriptive enough at the individual’s first mention. For exmple: “Lady was walking down the street...” isn’t as good as “Darryn’s Vulpix, Lady, was walking down the street…”. After the first mention, this is less important.
Also, all three of you should watch out so spellings and grammar – reading through your posts once before sending them in should help with that.

Participation: 3/3

Skill: 5/7 I have to admit that I am a bit of a sucker for powerful first posts in a roleplay. Setting the scene nicely with a solid paragraph of descriptive text is usually how most people begin a new RP but we didn’t this time around. It didn’t take away from your skill here but I thought it would be nice to mention and see if we could get a hefty scene-setter next time . Sometimes I felt there was a lack of personal feeling coming from Allie. Is she embarrassed that her two Pokemon are so mischievous? Doesn’t she get angry at Astrid for terrorising Valerie? I’d love to hear her thoughts on subjects like this a little more so we can get to know her better as a character.

Please try and make your posts more spaced-out using clear paragraphs. This has not lowered your skill but it would be easier to read next time if it were broken up more.

Battling: 3/5 I really liked how Allie’s abilities in battle were reflective as her ambitions as a Co-Ordinator. Sadly the battle was short so the score was lowered.

Total: 11/15

participation: 3/3

Skill: 4/7 For some reason I don’t feel like I got to know much about Hunter’s character at all. Nor did I learn much about his Pokemon. Some more detail on these aspects of your characters would have been nice – as it stood, I felt rather detached from Hunter for this RP.

Check out post #9. Allie slept for a while between leaving the group and bumping into Hunter again… But somehow that sort of time didn’t pass for him? Keep an eye on things like this to make sure it is conveyed clearly – it can make for some confusing reading otherwise! 

Zach made an appearance in the battle with the Meowth/Persian… :s

Battling: 4/5 Please try to make battles more believable. Aipom shifted into Godmode when battling that Persian at first – I find it hard to believe that a wild, especially evolved, Pokemon didn’t manage to fight back at all while Aipom used four moves… Nice use of moves though and some decent length in your battle.

Total: 11/15

Participation: 3/3

Skill: 6/7 I’m always the first to comment when images are used in roleplays since I think it’s an awesome idea to include them! Nice mugshot of Nate!!!
Watch out for spellings and details such as: Buff being told to use Iron Defense… and then it used Harden instead? (I’d recommend clearing Harden from the movepool for Buff since Iron Defense will always be better… up to you though). Otherwise, a great job on your posts!

Battling: 4/5 Nice battling. Strategy was sound and detailed. However, explaining the thought behind each and every move was a bit much… The reader can interpret some of it so you don’t need to worry about the battle mechanics so much in future.

Total: 13/15

[Jonahman10]

War On Drugs: A Sequel to Gigarte Grotto

Discussion Thread

PC Cast:
Daniel Worthington-Amissa-CL*Thread Runner
Mack Echo Nima-Deyv87-CL
Amelia Himan-Jonahman10-CL
Delainey Triell-Ozzy-CL

Summary:
The cast is called back to help investigate the Gigarte Grotto Disaster, this time with a Pokeball specialist to help analyze the dreadful Pokeballs. After uncovering another facility in the mangled secret complex, Officer Jenny orders them to leave.

Note: After a prolonged absence of the thread leader and another member, we decided to cut the plot near the halfway point. Another continuation may be made if Amissa returns.